remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm jealous of your bromance
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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