he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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