So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i barfeds in our rink
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
