just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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