I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
