You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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