We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
