I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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