Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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