I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
