What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
