Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?