I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
