I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
