my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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