i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
