Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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