i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
