Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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