Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
