On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
