so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
