he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
