Already got asked if we're dating
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
