I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
