dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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