i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her facebook's as public as her vagina
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
