What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize