I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
