TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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