There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
