so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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