his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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