Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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