NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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