check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
