There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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