the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
