i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
