Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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