God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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