I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
