I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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