I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
