why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she looked like the before picture.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
