My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
