I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
