when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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