what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
