its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
