yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
