For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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