I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I enjoy the company of your penis
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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