how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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