I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
