some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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