Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
