My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
