someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
