mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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