if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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