Are we in a gay sports bar?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
