with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There r osticjed everywhere
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
