No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
