Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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