You just made me feel so damn special
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
