I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As shirtless as possible
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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