never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
