Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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