My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
