gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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