why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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