so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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