I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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