she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
