yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
