I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
