i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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