i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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