My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
