you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You pole danced in your parka.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
