You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
