there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
