..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
