I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
