So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
