sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
