Your face is a jimmy john
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
