How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
