How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
