I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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